Cloud And Tifa's "Wedding"
by Moi -D
Summary: Cloud gets BLOWN UP! Yuffie rules Costa Del Sol! Tifa 's boobs are FAKE, and she and Cloud get married somewhere in this fic. Erm...Sorta....


  
Before Sephiroth becomes a friend.......before the fat chocobo..........there was............  
Cloud and Tifa's "Wedding!"  
  
By Moi ô¿ô  
  
In Cloud's Condo...........  
Aeris: Owww!!! My thumb! Stupid needle.......  
Tifa: Thats the 56th time you've poked yourself, and you've finished one stitch!   
Aeris: And you expect it to take 5 minutes to alter a wedding dress....Don't blame me that you got more implants!  
Tifa: SHHHH!! Don't say that in public!  
Barret is outside with a video camera......  
Vincent: Did she say it???  
Barret: She did!! She admitted it!!! Heheheheh.  
Nanaki: I wanna see!   
Nanaki climbs up on the windowsil, and Vincent and Barret leave.  
Tifa: Its hot in here..... I'm gonna change into something lighter.  
Tifa changes, in plain sight, and Nanaki views it all, then tells Cloud and the others.  
Nanaki: Ugggghhh.........It was amazing! They're bigger than the North Crater!  
Cloud: Wha?  
Nanaki: And she was even wearing a bra! Then she took it off........  
Cloud: WHAT!?!?!  
Nanaki: HUGE! Bigger than the list of victims Sephiroth claimed!  
Cloud: Then what hapened!?!!??!  
Nanaki: Then she caught me, and slammed the window down on my paws.....  
Cloud: She's not marrying you ya know!  
Cid: Oh, come off it Cloud!  
Yuffie: Were they bigger than mine!??!  
Cloud: Who's arn't?  
Yuffie: Bud! You've just crossed the line!!  
Cloud: *Sarcastically* Oh, have I?  
Yuffie darts behind Cloud, then goes back. Cloud suddenly realizes that his armor is missing.  
Cloud: You...wouldn't....you....couldn't!  
Yuffie: Watch me! Knights of the Round!!!!  
The 13 Knights of the Round Table slash at Cloud, who comes out of it; fried.  
Cait Sith: Now look what you've gone and done!!!  
Yuffie: Ha!   
Cid: *gawks* Wow.....that was @^%$ing cool!!  
Yuffie: You know how I feel about cursing!  
Cid: *mumbles random curse words*  
Yuffie: Grrrr! Ultima!  
Cid gets fried by Ultima's green fire.  
Cait Sith: I loathe you.  
Yuffie fries Cait Sith.  
Yuffie: Anyone who gets one step outta line gets simmered to a golden brown!  
Aeris looks out the window.  
Aeris: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!   
Her scream shatters every window.  
Tifa: What!? For the love of God, what!?!?  
Aeris: Cait Sith!! Cloud!!!!! Cid!!  
Tifa: I noticed you put 5 exclamation points for Cloud, Aeris.  
Aeris: So?  
Tifa: So you admit it!!  
Aeris: Admit WHAT!!?!?  
Tifa puts Aeris's hair in the sewing machine.  
Aeris: AHHH! Get me out of here! I'll expose your secret!  
Tifa stops dead.  
Tifa: Fine........  
Yuffie reigns with tyranny on Costa Del Sol.  
Hojo looks up from his beach blanket.  
Hojo: The hell?  
Woman with big boobs: Is there anything I can get you?  
Hojo: Quiet you! (That sounds like that cute little materia hunter...)  
Yuffie: And another thing! I want materia factories built!   
Citizen: Yes ma'm........  
Yuffie: Heh....this isn't so bad.....  
Tifa: Yuffie! Bring back Cloud this instant!  
Yuffie: Quiet! I love this song.....  
The song plays.....its some boy band....  
Yuffie makes up words.......  
Yuffie: *Points to Tifa* Cuz she's a hooker! Yeah...yeah....fake boobs.........big head......tiny brains.....a walking oxymoron.  
Tifa: DIE!!!!!!!!!  
Yuffie: *Pulls out materia* Slow!  
Tifa: N.........O........O...........O........O.........O........!..........!.......!.........I..........H..........A........T..........E..........P.........I............C.........K...........L..........E...........S.........!...........!......!........  
Aeris: What? Pickles??  
Yuffie: Do you object to my ruling? *Points to Aeris*  
Aeris: I really object, but not to you.... I was dead, and one with the planet and happy....then Tifa brought me back just to make her wedding dress bigger cuz she got more implants.  
Tifa: ..............................D.............I................E...........L........E......T.........T.........U..........C..............E........!....!......!.......!  
Aeris: I noticed you're using a manipulate materia too.  
Yuffie: She knows too much! Take her away!  
Yuffie has random people take Aeris to be imprisoned in an Italian kitchen.  
Aeris: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  
Meanwhile....Cloud and Cid, and Cait Sith are dead.  
Cloud: I was gonna get married.....  
Cid: Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you marry Ruby Weapon that night you got drunk?  
Cloud: Oh.........yeah..... guess I forgot to divorce her....heh....  
Cait Sith: She can see the dead can't she....  
Cloud: Sure....and like all weapons, she can inflict pain on the dead.  
Cid: Weeeeeell I hate to send you out to die.....again......but it really is the right thing to do.  
Cloud: Mumble....grumble....  
At the sand field where Ruby lives.  
Cloud: Uhhh....Ruby?  
Ruby Weapon: Stratus!  
Cloud: Umm no, my name is Cloud.  
Ruby: Oh......sorry, sweety.  
Cloud: Umm I just came to say that I *cough* wanna divorce *cough*  
Ruby: .........................  
Cloud: Well! I see we're agreed, I'll have my lawyer send you the papers!  
Ruby: ....................................  
Cloud runs for it.  
20 minutes later................  
Ruby: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
Cloud's Lawyer: Waaaaaaaaaaa!!! Stop burning me with that green fire!  
Back at Costa Del Sol..........  
Yuffie: And I want a car, and I want Tifa dead, and I want Aeris dead, and I want that perv who's staring at me from the beach dead, and I want Sephiroth, who's running at me right now dead, and I-  
Sephiroth: Yaaaaaaaaaa!!!!  
Yuffie: !!!! Release all the prisoners, and revive the dead ones!  
Everyone is released/revived, and Sephiroth draws nearer..........  
Cloud: Nope, you took the materia, you kill Sephy.  
Yuffie: Puuuuuuuhlease pleasepleaseplease!  
Tifa: Aeris, forgive me, but you really stink.  
Aeris: Well excuse me Miss. Ithinkeverythingisavegetable!  
Yuffie: Fine......  
Yuffie confronts Sephy.........  
Yuffie: *with low spirits* Flare.........  
Sephy gets blown into the air, and goes up real high...........  
Cloud: Wow.....he really went flying.............  
Barret: Uh-oh..... he's headin to where Ruby Weapon lives......  
Cloud: Poor poor Sephiroth........  
Cid: Yeah! Your wife's gonna have a blast with him!  
Tifa: Wife???  
Cloud: Yeah.... umm the thing is........  
Hojo dashes up from the beach......  
Hojo: Yuffie is my wife!  
Yuffie: WHAT!!?!?!? AGGGHH!! I've never been more insulted!!!!  
Hojo: Marry me Yuffie!  
Yuffie: Go kiss a diseased Chocobo!!!  
Hojo kisses Yuffie.  
Hojo: You looked like a Chocobo...so I kissed you.......  
Yuffie: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!   
Cloud: What kind of a compliment is that??  
Yuffie equips every magic enhancing accessory known to man at once.  
Yuffie: MANIPULATE!!!  
Hojo's pupils dialate, and he makes weird hand motions around his head.  
Hojo: I-am-your-wash-ing-ma-chine.  
Cloud: What a dufus...........  
Vincent: So whats this about your wife, Cloud?  
Cloud: *under his breath* Thanks coffin boy........  
Tifa: Well?  
Cloud: Ruby Weapon is my wife, and I forgot to divorce her!!!  
Tifa: ............  
Cloud: Change the subject! While she's stunned!  
Barret: We taped you admitting you had implants!!  
Tifa: WHA!!?!?  
Vincent: Heh.....heh....  
Tifa tries to fry Vincent, and Barret, but of course, she has no materia. Yuffie has taken it all.  
Yuffia: Heh....heh....  
Citizen: Miss. Yuffie? I have a bill for you. From your materia factories.  
Yuffie reads the bill.  
Yuffie: 963 Billion Gill!??!?!? I can't pay that!  
Cloud: You'll have to get a job then.  
Yuffie: The teenager's nightmare........You can't make me!  
Cloud: Then we'll pay it....on one condition.......  
Yuffie: Anything!!!  
The party ties Yuffie to the top of the North Corel mako reactor, with a flag that says; I am Yuffie, the stupid dork who ate a Molboro tentacle.  
Yuffie: At least it can't get worse.........  
Sephy: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
Sephiroth falls on top of the reactor, and apon seeing Yuffie, repeatedly clonks her on the head, with the hilt of his sword.  
Sephy: The Masamune conqures all!  
Back at Costa Del Sol........The wedding is under way.......  
Tifa: I do! Oh yeah I do!  
Barret: Heh heh.  
Cloud: I.........I..........I.........  
Tifa: *whispers* Do!  
Cloud: Do....do.....  
Cid: Doo-doo! Thats my kind of wedding vow!  
Aeris: SHHHH!!!  
Priest: You doo-doo? Ok. I now pronounce you wife, and feces.  
Marlene: Daddy? Whats feces?  
Barret: Aparently what Cloud is.........  
Marlene: Oh. Ok. Hi Feces!! Feces, over here!  
Cloud: Uggghhhhh.............!  
Tifa: One picture, before me and Feces go on our Honeymoon!  
Cloud: Ok! I feel better now!  
On the plane to the Mideel Resort, Tifa recites her plans.  
Tifa: I thought we'd spend the whole day reading, and then the next day we could go to a play, and then then we can eat, then we'll go to 3 more plays, and then well pack up, and leave!  
Cloud stares at Tifa.  
Cloud: Wha? You mean......no......  
Tifa: That would be dirty!  
Cloud: I...I'm gonna go to the bath room.......  
Cloud reaches the bath room, and tries to flush himself down the toilet.  
Cloud: Noooo! I'm too big!  
Cloud finnaly gets expelled through the poop hole.  
Cloud: Freedom!  
Cloud lands, and Ruby Weapon catches him.  
Cloud: Ruby?  
Ruby: Cirrus!  
Cloud: Cloud.  
Ruby: Ohh. Right. Heh.  
Cloud and Ruby get married, and Ruby recites her Honeymoon plans............  
Ruby: I thought we'd spend the whole day reading, and then the next day we could go to a play, and then then we can eat, then we'll go to 3 more plays, and then well pack up, and leave!  
Cloud: Wha? Ok.....ummm I'm gonna go to the bath room.....  
Ruby: We're outside!  
Cloud: It doesn't matter!  
Meanwhile at the North Corel reactor.......  
Sephy: And then she told me that she was a creature from space! Waaaaaaaa!  
Yuffie: Its ok....let it out.....  
Sephy: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!  
At Costa Del Sol.............  
Cloud: I made it!  
Tifa: Oh Cloud! I was so worried! But now we have to spend 2 days reading, 8 plays, AND frolic in a flowery medow, while everyone we know is watching! Won't it be fun?  
Cloud: Be right back Tifa! I'm gonna go to the bath room!  
THE END ô¿ô  



End file.
